This past weekend, I attended a men’s retreat with my church. During this time, I was fed—both physically and spiritually—with what may turn out to be a powerful tool to battle depression.
But what does the retreat have to do with depression?
For starters, I learned that every other man—or person, for that matter—has a similar story. It may be that his dad walked out on his family when he was 11. It may be that he’s going through a difficult time in his marriage. It may be that his 18 year-old daughter is pregnant. But everyone has a story. I am not alone in my battle with challenges—and neither is anyone else.
During the final session, Dr. Tim Lovett, the guest speaker, said somcething I couldn’t believe was coming from a Baptist Preacher’s mouth: “We as human-beings don’t need more Bible knowledge; We need more Bible doing!”
Sure, don’t throw stones, I thought. Then Dr. Tim went on to say that the best way for us to honor God is to live the Be-Attitudes. It took a minute for that to sink in, but when it did, it hit me like a 250 lb. linebacker!
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out Galatians 5:22:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Gal 5:22-23 NIV)
So if I practice the Be-Attitudes in my daily life, I will be doing what the Almighty Father wants me to do! I began going through the Be-Attitudes, one by one, and checking them off in my head if I could honestly say that I practice that particular Fruit of the Spirit.
The one that caught me was Joy.
Since my head injury, I really have not been that joyful. Sure there are times when I’ve been happy, even ecstatic, but looking back over the past two decades, I can’t really say that I’ve been “joyful.”
We’ve all heard that if you want to do something, you should fake it ‘til you make it. I can hear my earthly father saying, “You know, Mark, when I was you’re age and I didn’t feel good, I would make an effort to ACT LIKE I was feeling good. Then before I knew it, it wasn’t an act.”
So by living the Be-Attitudes, I could actually change my outlook and even my demeanor! And all the while, I’d be worshiping God Almighty.
How it’s affecting my life
Having to relearn how to walk at the age of 16, I have probably over-compensated with some of the muscles in my legs and hips. This has caused a wearing-down of the cartilage in my joints, which causes me significant pain with almost every step.
And this pain affects my attitude: I get sullen and moody—sometimes even mean to my wife and son—the people who matter most in the world to me.
Since the retreat, I’m trying to “pretend” to be joyful even though I may not feel like it. I’m trying to fake it ‘til I make it.
Most of the time, I can force myself to concentrate on being joyful rather than on the pain, or the depression I so commonly experience. You might try it, and make sure you let me know if it helps!
If you’ve ever tried to implement a work-out regimen, you’ve realized how difficult it is to keep pushing yourself when you start to approach the edge of your comfort zone past which you have seldom passed.
You would be hard pressed to go to a high school, college, or some gym open to the public without seeing others with earbuds blasting noise into their ears. Now that people have such items as iPods and Mp3 players, they are more able to keep a good, hard, driving beat pumping into their auditory canals allowing them to go that last half-mile, do three more reps or start to feel the burn.
Personally, I have an iPod Touch that my wife gave me two Christmases ago. And for a while I was content with listening to the songs I had downloaded. But what thrilled me was what I found yesterday afternoon:
“At Pandora, we have a single mission: To play only music you’ll love.”
“You can create up to 100 unique “stations.” And you can even refine them. If it’s not quite right you can tell it so and it will get better for you. “
You select a song or artist you enjoy listening to, and Pandora will select songs from that artist, or if none are found—which is extremely unlikely—Pandora will select songs that match the attributes of the songs by that artist.
Before yesterday, it had been a while since I had used Pandora, but because my laptop only has internal speakers, and I wanted to listen while I was working around the house, I tried Pandora on my iPod, which can only connect to the internet if there is WiFi.
After installing Pandora on my Touch, I found a station called “WORKOUT MUSIC!!!”
With the songs Pandora selected on this station, there are almost always prominent drums, extensive vamping, and electric guitar riffs. Not always what I’m in the mood for, but it makes give me the motivation to get things done.
I didn’t plan on this becoming a commercial for Pandora when I started out writing this morning, so let me circle back to my original point.
For people who have sustained head injury, a stroke, or suffer depression, keeping yourself motivated can be almost a constant struggle. “Why did this happen to me? What difference does what I do make in the world? Why don’t my friends come around me anymore?
Those are questions only you can answer. If you look into yourself and your world, you will find why what you do matters.
But when I find myself just wanting to go take a nap in the middle of the day, or mindlessly watch television, I find that if I pick up my iPod and connect to Pandora for the Workout Music station, I can get things done—whether it’s laundry, vacuuming or cleaning the kitchen.
In summary, I want to encourage others to explore their own lives and what works for them. It may not be the same thing that works for me. You may find you do better with Celtic tunes from Ireland—I don’t know.
If you have another method to keep yourself from becoming depressed or an incredible way to get incredibly motivated, let me know!
What is Medpedia? Medpedia is a website where the goal is simple: sharing information by medical professionals and the general public about health, medicine and the body. Medpedia.com is “a free online technology platform that is collaborative, interdisciplinary and transparent.”
From Alzheimer’s to Zellweger Syndrome, Medpedia is a one-stop-shop for the knowledge with which you need to arm yourself before you decide what doctor you need to see. As the name suggests, it’s a bit like Wikipedia. But more than that, it’s like Wikipedia and Google joined in symbiotic matrimony.
Although this reading and research could keep you occupied for months, the really big news is that Medpedia is now allowing health professionals and the general public to keep up with and participate in clinical trials.
The Medpedia Project today announced Medpedia Clinical Trials, a platform for patients and physicians to receive information about the thousands of clinical trials that are in process or about to begin. Other online sources already allow for searching clinical trials, but the Medpedia platform allows clinical trial information to be “pushed” or fed automatically to appropriate contexts. For instance, trial information can show up alongside a Medpedia article covering the same condition, it can appear in a personalized feed of someone interested in that condition, or in a patient community related to that condition. This free resource is available now on Medpedia at http://www.medpedia.com/clinical-trials
Thousands of people benefit from participating in clinical trials each year and millions benefit from others’ participation. But the biggest barrier to completing studies is that not enough people take part in them. According to industry statistics presented to the IOM Drug Forum in October 2009, between 50 and 75 percent of trials miss their recruiting targets resulting in cost overruns or canceled trials. By creating tools that make it easier for patients, caregivers and clinicians to find relevant trials, and by raising awareness of existing trials in context, potential treatments can be tested faster and more efficiently and reach those patients that need them most.
To read more about Medpedia and the newly-available clinical trials search feature, click here.
Have you ever put something off until the last minute, swearing that you will NEVER again procrastinate, and yet the next time you have to do something, again you put it off? I know I have and I know people who do it all the time. Actually, most people I know call themselves procrastinators–or they’re putting off that declaration!
It’s not uncommon for people who have sustained head trauma to be worse procrastinators than others. In fact, many times they find themselves getting distracted by taking on too many things at once. They lack focus!
IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN, YOU PLAN TO FAIL.
When I began On the Mark Writing, I listened to and read books and speeches by people renowned for being motivational speakers. I have a file on my computer with sayings such as the one above, and it’s named Nuggets–as in gold nuggets.
When taking up endeavors as to quit smoking or lose weight, most experts tell you to set a date you plan to start. When I used Chantix to quit smoking, the instructions said for me to set a “Quit Date.” Sort of arbitrarily, I chose July 22, 2008. And except for a couple of slips, I remained smoke-free for seven months. The problem came when I didn’t have a plan to continue being smoke-free.
So the problem becomes how to get things finished when you are the type of person who puts off things which need to be done.
When I find myself spending a great amount of time doing things which don’t fit into the plan for furthering my business or even just making sure the house is clean, I ask my wife what she wants me to do.
Most of the time, she jumps on the chance to make out a “honey-do” list. (However, she prefers to call it “Mark’s Mission.”)
People from all walks of life and all ages make to-do lists. Because most head injury survivors have a hard time remembering things, many of my therapists strongly advocated my making lists. For a long time, I was making lists for everything–from things to do, schedules and grocery lists.
Since my memory is (or at least used to be) good, I got out of the habit of making lists and schedules when I graduated college and entered the work-force. When you have something on paper (or PDA/iPod or iPhone), it’s much easier to stay focused on what needs to be completed.
It’s a proven fact that if you go to the grocery store without a list, you are much more likely to buy things you either don’t want or really don’t need–ultimately costing you more money. However, if you use a list, you likely will stick to it and only get the items for which you have budgeted or planned to get. It’s also easier to control your spending when using a list.
Like a grocery list, a to-do list helps keep you on task. I find that when I have free-time but several things I should be doing, it’s easier for me to stay on task with a list. Ultimately I have more focus and drive when I have a list in front of me of things I need to do to complete “Mark’s Mission.”
I can remember that room, with raised, padded tables at the right height so my feet could touch the floor when my knees were on the edge. Along one side of the room you could see a patient walking in between the waist-high bars with a therapist or two providing assistance and encouragement.
It was my physical therapy (PT) room, and though I didn’t know the names of most of the people in there, it was one of my favorite places to go in the weeks and months after my head injury. Usually, my area was at the corner mat, away from too many distractions. While sitting there performing the instructed tasks, I overheard someone at a nearby mat say, “God, please why me? Please, just tell me!”
He seemed hurt by what had happened to him—almost like a groom who just found out that his soon-to-be bride had dated his best man during their engagement. There was little, if any, anger—but the hurt was palpable in his voice.
Everyone—or at least most people—go through a time of great depression or despair after sustaining a traumatic brain injury (TBI). And while we cannot understand all of God’s plan for our lives, we must hold on to the hope that we are doing what we should.
Maybe God is planning to use you (or me) to affect someone else’s life—by being a beacon of hope for someone who is going through what you have already experienced. There are so many days when I, personally, just get up and go through the motions without considering what it is that God wants me to do.
And the despair that I have felt often makes me want to just climb back into bed. However, when I consider the encouragement and love from those close to me, I realize that I must go on!
I’ve become active in several forums which deal traumatic brain injuries, and I know that many of the people who share their own stories of pain and despair sort of look to me to provide them the “fuel” to keep them going.
You never know how many people your actions will affect, and though they may not verbally thank you, they often rely on you to provide them with the encouragement and hope they seek.
Thank you all, for providing me with the fuel to keep doing what I’m doing… I’d love to hear any stories you’d like to share about someone whom you’ve encouraged or who encouraged you!
We’ve all heard the adage, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” For people who are approaching retirement age, does that still apply?
I found this article in The New York Times, and learned that one of the best ways to keep your mind sharp as you age, is to challenge previously conceived “absolute truths,” experts say.
We successfully navigated from 2009 to 2010 without incident. And I’m reminded of how fortunate I am to have lived with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) for more than 20 years. Over the past two decades, I’ve had my share—more than my share—of problems.
As early as I can remember after my car wreck, people—therapists, doctors and my parents—have told me how dangerous it was for my brain to be exposed to alcohol. Now, let me make this sufficiently clear: My head injury was not a result of any alcohol or drug. At the time, I was just stupid. I thought I was “unbreakable,” as many other 16 year-old kids often do.
But only months out of the coma, I still thought I knew better than all those professionals who spent so much of their lives learning and studying about the effects of alcohol and drugs on the survivor’s brain.
In the months and years remaining of high school, I remember having two or three cans of beer—alone—and feeling spectacular. I had no oneMost often, I’d watch TV and then either pass out or go to bed.
It was not until I was in college that I realized the ease at which alcohol could be obtained, and then I went nuts—and made a complete ass of myself.
The problem was that I could have one drink—be it beer, a shot or a glass of wine—and I would be as affected as a non-head injured person who had two drinks. I could still walk—most of the time. I could still talk coherently, and even play pool better than if I were sober!
All of my brain functioned, it just took a little longer for it to do so. So I didn’t realize that my speech was even slower.
Since I had had to relearn how to walk, talk and control my gross (and fine) motor skills, my brain took just a fraction of a second longer to do so than it had taken before my wreck.
My brain had to form new synapses or connections for the electrical impulses to get from their place of origin to their final destination. I retained much of my intellectual abilities, but it took longer for my brain to find the new paths it used to communicate and control my actions.
My wife has box with all of her recipes neatly filed away on 3 X 5 index cards—each labeled with the ingredients and instructions—and divided into sections: Hors d’œuvres, Cookies, Poultry & Stuffings, Fish and Seafood, etc…
Now imagine that you want to make some yeast rolls for a dinner party you are hosting. Before you go to the store, you need to find the recipe to make sure you have all the ingredients.
The non-injured brain is sort of like the recipe box—everything is well-labeled and organized. However, with an injured brain, like my own, imagine all of the dividers are taken out. Suddenly, you have 200+ index cards all together. Add alcohol to the injured brain, and it’s like taking that recipe box, removing the dividers, and dumping it on the floor.
Certainly you could find the yeast roll recipe you’re looking for, but it’s going to take longer. Add more than one drink, beer, glass of wine, and in addition to removing all the divider you suddenly find that the cards don’t tell what the recipe is for—ultimately you have to look at the ingredients and directions to learn what the recipe makes.
Add even more alcohol or drugs, and you then find yourself with the cards dumped on the floor, no labels, and the cards with spilled juices from previous times when you were making yeast rolls on the card. I think you get the picture.
For the injured brain, alcohol or drugs don’t always prove to be incapacitating, but they make it more difficult for your brain to for the connections from Point A to Point B.
And although you may think you are talking or playing or singing better than you ever have, often your perception is impeded. You probably are not the best judge of your actions.
People generally try to avoid conflict, and therefore may not tell you when you behaving inappropriately, but they will stay away from you. That’s one reason so many TBI survivors either find themselves or feel excluded and left out.
It was the first Saturday in April of 1989, and I had pestered my parents to let me go out—only to the video store, or the grocery, or something. Their acquiescence would come to haunt them for many years to come.
Rain had just started falling, and because I only had my driver’s license for five months, I did not instinctively know that the roads would be slicker than it had been raining for hours. See, the oil and grease—along with the dust, dirt, pollen, etc.—was still on the surface of the road.
Anyway, I decided I would take a small detour and get a taste of adrenaline at this intersection I had been shown by a friend.
Long story cut short, I lost control of the car and careened down an embankment into a tree—but years later, I learned it may not have been a tree.
The police and an ambulance were called to the scene to extricate me from the wreckage. (Of this I have no recollection.) The police report stated, based on the skid marks, that I must have been travelling 70 to 75 mph when I left the road.
I was taken to Vanderbilt University Medical Center where the staff called my parents. I imagine that they fished my wallet out of my pants and removed my license to know where I lived.
Vanderbilt is about 20 minutes from where we lived, but within only about 10 minutes, my parents walked into the ER.
My mother has since told me that I was in surgery for about 6-8 hours for the doctors to remove the two epidural hematomas (aka blood clots on the brain). And for the next four weeks, I would look something like the Borg (from Star Trek, the Next Generation). I had feeding tubes running into my nose and down my esophagus, a gauge with which the hospital staff could monitor the pressure on my brain.
I lay there in PICU, unresponsive, for the coming month. I spent four weeks in a coma, during which time the doctors didn’t know if I’d ever be able to take care of myself. (At least that’s what they told my parents.) After being comatose for a month, my muscles had begun to atrophy (get smaller from inactivity), and I had gone from a lean 125 lbs. to an emaciated 80 lbs.
Yes, I suffered a closed head injury as a result of an automobile wreck. I sustained two subdural hematomas (aka blood-clots) on the left side of my brain, which permanently impaired my ability to compute numbers in my head.
During the first four weeks after my wreck, I lost the ability to walk, talk, swallow, and even to hold my urine. As I emerged from my long “sleep,” I quickly realized I couldn’t do what I had, only weeks earlier, been able to do without even a second thought.
It was the grace of God, and the loving support and unwavering patience and kindness of my family that brought me through and now allows me to serve as a beacon of hope for others who are in a similar situation or have family members who have suffered some sort of head trauma, either from an accident, multiple concussions, or a stroke.
What I plan to relay to readers in this blog, are stories of pain—some of which still make me wonder, “What the Hell was I thinking?”—and stories of triumph and hope. From years in neuro rehab, I feel that though I don’t have an M.D., a Ph.D., or other letters behind my name, I’m an expert about what Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) survivors commonly experience.
I welcome whatever comments, questions, and personal experiences you’d like to share.
Recently, I found a website which is incredibly helpful in furthering my recovery. What I’ve read on it has truly hit home and reminded me of certain events of the last 20 years.
I have realized that the reason God brought me through my automobile wreck with a head injury and nothing more — as if the head injury wasn’t enough — was to provide hope and show others who are going through what I have gone through that they can make it and lead an active, productive life.
For 2010, I plan to write more often than I have in recent months, so hopefully you will be engaged by my posts.
This past weekend, I attended a men’s retreat with my church. During this time, I was fed—both physically and spiritually—with what may turn out to be a powerful tool to battle depression.
Posted by onthemarkwriting 
It was the first Saturday in April of 1989, and I had pestered my parents to let me go out—only to the video store, or the grocery, or something. Their acquiescence would come to haunt them for many years to come.
onthemarkwriting
